What Being a Hater Really Says About You

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Ever met a person who has a passionate disdain for successful people? Somehow, they manage to find (or imagine) every teeny flaw in a person’s character, their personal life, their business– or whatever– anything at all just to say, “I just don’t like so and so.” Usually, the target of their dislike is someone wildly regarded as being at the top of their game. Meanwhile, the hater just keeps hating. While everyone is entitled to dislike whomever they choose, when it’s done in such an irrational way, it becomes clear to me that these individuals are suffering from extreme insecurity. This actually makes me sad.

Let’s be clear here. I’m not referring to people who have good reasons for disliking someone. I’m not even referring to people who occasionally dislike people for no good reason or for reasons they can’t explain. Who I am referring to is chronic haters.

While I’m not formally trained in analyzing folk, I have learned a thing or two about people through 44 years of observation. And what I’ve observed is that chronic haters tend to become so after a lifetime of repeated failures, insecurities and unresolved personal conflicts. When I hear them randomly trashing successful people…for no other reason than they exist…I actually have learned to pity them.

What I see in these folk is resentment. I feel like they feel as though another’s success actually magnifies their own failures. This makes me incredibly sad and I’ve even contemplated pointing this out to one or two haters before, but another thing that I’ve learned in life is that unsolicited advice is often received as criticism. I wish I could nudge certain people into at least questioning whether or not my theory applies to them and to do something about it if it does, but I don’t.

If you’re one of these people, I do hope that you’ll question yourself deeply. If I’m wrong, great…but, if there’s an inkling of truth that my theory lives  inside of you, please, for the love of everything sacred, do some self-work and dump the haterade. While you may think you’re only expressing an opinion, what others are often hearing is a broadcast of your own insecurities.

Now, I’m not saying that you have to embrace everybody and that you can never disagree with or dislike a person ever again in life. What I am asking of you, however, is to ask yourself a few soul-searching questions in order to get real with yourself.

Questions like:

1. Am I in any way jealous of this person, their success, their power or their popularity among others?

2. Do I resent this person for excelling in areas where I feel I have failed?

3. Am I making up reasons to dislike this person or am I, in any way, projecting some of my own “stuff” onto them?

4. If I were in this person’s shoes, would I be pleased with my own accomplishments?

If you answer these questions honestly, you may discover that your dislike of the other person is actually a dislike that you harbor for yourself. Don’t worry, we all have our issues to work through, but if this is your issue, please don’t avoid the opportunity to work through it. Here are a few tips to help you get past this:

1. Realize that you can be and should be effective right where you are and that doing so makes you successful. Career accomplishments are nice, as is having lots of friends and loads of money to spend. But what really counts is what you do, right where you are and for whomever you can.

2. Being able to acknowledge another person’s accomplishments actually makes you a happier, more respected person.

3. Become inspired. Instead of ridiculing others for living their best lives, use what you see of their success to motivate you to accomplish your own goals.

Now, if none of this applies to you, feel free to click yourself elsewhere. If you’re still reading this, however, chances are that something about this conversation resonates with you. If so, take this as a wake up call and embrace it as an opportunity to do better for yourself. You deserve to be your best!

Thanks for your time,

~LaLa

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Changes

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We had an earthquake the day before yesterday. Call me crazy, but it seems like everything has been just a little “off” ever since then. It’s not a physical event that I can see, but it’s an atmospheric change. I’ll call it Spiritual.

I asked my husband if he felt it and, surprisingly, he said he did. He even went on to relate a few odd occurrences that he’d given pause to. Of course, he didn’t relate it to the earthquake…that’s all me…lol. But I was still a bit taken aback to find that he agreed with me that something appears to be up. Normally, he just sort of nods or sits in total silence while I ramble about these things. I imagine he thinks I’m a bit crazy sometimes, but I don’t mind that at all. Shoot, he might even be right. 🙂

My mother, of course, totally agreed with me. She went beyond my earthquake explanation, however, and clear to a solar eclipse that she says just occurred (Or was it a lunar? I’ll have to check.). she and I share a gene that makes us a little “odd” in the way that we think about these things, so I’m not at all surprised that she sensed it, too.

Don’t know if this change is connected to the earthquake, but yesterday was just a continuous chain of “odd” events. I won’t go into detail here, but it’s almost like observing a movie where an adventure is spurred by these seemingly random events that just don’t stop.

I’m enjoying the journey. Watching life unfold before me is quite inspiring. I know who’s in control and I’m curious to know what this is all leading to.

Eyes wide open. We’ll see what’s next.

Lovingly,

LaLa

Love?

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What do we mean when we say we love someone?

I’m realizing that I define love in a much different way than I often apply it in verbal expression. Having thought about it and chosen a personal definition years ago, I believe love to mean that you care enough about a person’s well-being to make sacrifices for their comfort and happiness. That you honor them by placing their needs and wants even before your own (in a healthy way, of course).

Yet, when I say that I love someone, I often mean that I care about them, admire them, treasure my relationship with them and, basically, think they’re awesome. For instance, just before grabbing my laptop to write this, I thought (as I often do) about how much I love Yahushua. And, again, as I often do, I thought about what I mean by that. Do I make sacrifices that would make Him happy? Not often, no. Do I place His wants before my own? I try to, but what does that really mean? Hmmm…

Am I loving toward my neighbor? Sometimes, yes. Sometimes, no.

Am I forgiving? I can be. I try to be, but I also hold secret grudges in my heart and mind.

Do I visit the sick? On occasion, but I seldom make a special effort to do so.

Do I encourage others? YES! I always try to offer words of encouragement to others and it’s one of my most favorite things to do.

Am I easy going? Humble and patient with others? Ummm, I’d have to give myself between a C+ and a B- there. Seems others think I’m a lot of these things, but they don’t know the secret strategies that I make in my mind to avoid people, carve them out of my life and, generally, ignore them.

Just being honest here.

So when I say that I love Yahushua, but I barely make an average effort at representing Him in my relationships with others, am I really loving Him or simply just admiring Him?

After all, imitation flatters, right?

~LaLa

Made in China…Pass!

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Watched Kundun last night, which is the story of the 14th Dalai Lama from just before he was discovered as a very young child until his exile from Tibet in 1959. Though I was already quite familiar with this version of events, it was quite an experience seeing it dramatized on film.  Not counting any items I already own, I’ve decided that I won’t be purchasing anymore products that are made in China. I’m ashamed that I haven’t done this sooner. I just believe that dollars are akin to a vote. They say, “I support you” or “I need you” to a degree. As such, I neither support, nor wish to rely upon any government that forcefully commandeered a peaceful country, forced children to pull gun triggers on their own parents, forced priests and nuns to fornicate in the streets and who have gone to such great lengths to suppress an entire culture.

Nope. Can’t do it.

Hopefully, my silent protest will add weight to the millions of others whose hearts became convicted long before my own.

When Tibet is free and when the Dalai Lama is able to return to the place of his birth, I may resume purchasing items made in China. Until then…

Please Pray!

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Yesterday, I posted about Haiti adoption authorities slowing down the adoption applications currently in play in order to assure that children weren’t being exported too quickly. The concern is that surviving parents and other family members may have survived, but amidst the chaos, have not been located. Another very real concern is that child sex traffickers may attempt to adopt children for their own evil purposes. Unfortunately, this article shows how real that concern was and is, as it appears that some children may already have been stolen by these very people. Read this story and then, PLEASE, pray for the babies that have already been kidnapped.

Good News: Haiti Adoption Process Slows

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Some may be surprised to hear me say that this is good news. Especially at a time such as this when the images of children, injured and orphaned, are all that we can think about. To know that there are good people ready to open their hearts and their homes to them makes it particularly tough to swallow. But it’s true. I’m very happy that the Haiti adoption process is being deliberately delayed.

Why?

The simple answer is because, if given a choice, I’d rather a child be orphaned on the streets of an earthquake shattered island than be handed over to a pedophile or human traffickers who will sell the child to one.

Human Trafficking is a Real Threat to Haiti Adoption Decisions

Lest you think that I’m being paranoid, let me remind you of little Shaniya Davis who, just months ago, was allegedly sold to traffickers by her own mother. If an American mother will do this to her own child, we cannot afford to doubt the UNNICEF Ireland warning about traffickers who prey on disasters, such as the recent Haiti earthquake, to obtain victims.

Besides this, as reported in this NPR article about Haiti adoption plans being delayed, as authorities search for surviving parents and other relatives, it is simply the right thing to do. It is far too soon to know for sure if these children are actually orphans or even if there are surviving family members able to care for them.

Haiti Adoption Authorities Face Tough Decisions

As much as I want to see  these children comforted and cared for, I want to also know that they are safe and that their best interest is being served. I’m sure this isn’t an easy choice for authorities to make, but I applaud them for it’s the right thing to do.

What do you think? If it were your child, what would you want authorities to do?